As a mother, you want only the best for your children. But where do you draw the line from caring to smothering? When do you stop cleaning their rooms for them and insisting that they do it themselves? Or do you? When do you stop making their dinner so they learn to cook for themselves? And the laundry- do I even bother going there? I just want to keep my chicks all in a row, so to speak.The big chick is 17 and doing his A levels. His room looks like a war torn country, he would happily eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or grilled cheese for the rest of his teen years and well, the laundry,clean and disgusting, is on the floor, always.
The girl chick is only in her GCSE final year and though keeps a tidy desk and mind, her room is, well, lived in. She requires brain food and likes her laundry, dirty and clean, stacked high on the floor in a neatish pile.
One is happier then the other,I know it. I smother one more then the other,I know it. I feel like I am letting one down though, I know it.
Guiding them now is such an ordeal. I feel like every word that comes out of my mouth is a command as opposed to a suggestion. I feel like the biggest nag to both of them and I feel like I am really putting the pressure on even if it's telling them to have some breakfast before they go off to school!
They have enough pressure already and I know I make it worse. Have you finished your homework? do you have any laundry(always a dumb question but as a mother, I can't help but to ask)? Have you finished your UCAS statement? What A levels have you decided on? I kill them with questions, I know it.
If I could help them out more, I would. If I could help them reduce the pressures of being a teenager in a high pressure society, I would. I don't remember having this sort of pressure and worry when I was 16/17. High school was fun. Going off to university was what you did. There were jobs waiting for when you got out. Here in the UK it all seems so demanding. 11-13 GCSE's, then 5 A levels, personal statements, interviews, where to go, when to go and do you even bother to go to Uni? They can't do this on their own, my chicks but I know that they have to make important decisions like these with their own hearts and minds. It's just hard for me to sit back and watch without a bit of nagging and smothering.
In truth, I tidy their rooms when they are away at school. I bake cookies and try to have dinner ready for when they get home and their brains are starving. I wash their dirty towels and muddy clothes while they are asleep on the sofa on Sunday afternoons. I read through their text books that they leave lying around so I know what they are studying. I hate looking like a complete idiot when they ask me what the difference between the ego and superego are or what the environmental impacts are of rising sea levels.
Having done A levels in the UK (way back) and gone to uni, it was very stressful then too. We only had one shot at it (literally) and no personal essays etc. to boost your application to UCAS.
ReplyDeleteMy eldest has just gone off to college (in the US) and I had to cut her some slack for her last two years. She could barely get her homework and studying done, so expecting her to do much more than get the clothes in the laundry basket was too much. The 16 year old (a sophomore in HS) leaves wet towels all over his bathroom floor and takes clean clothes off the pile I leave. They don't even make it to his closet. I have given up because the rooms not dirty (no food up there) and if he wants to towel himself with an already wet towel, then so be it.
It's all hard work though, knowing what to do for the best.